


Fine, Thank You, and You?

by czar_feline



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 23:58:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9147880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/czar_feline/pseuds/czar_feline
Summary: When the news broke to Jaebum, all he could do was stare into nothingness. He can still hear the voice of his cousin over the line along with the noises of the nurses and patients passing by him. They were all oblivious of Jaebum’s sudden predicament, all too busy minding their businesses.





	1. 001

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of minor character deaths. Also, if you guys want to try, you can listen to the songs I listened to while writing this fic.
> 
> Fine Thank You and You - 10 cm  
> Old Song - Kim Dong Ryul  
> Kiss Me - G.Na  
> Eonjen Ganeun - Lee Sang Eun

 

 

 

 

When the news broke to Jaebum, all he could do was stare into nothingness. He can still hear the voice of his cousin over the line along with the noises of the nurses and patients passing by him. They were all oblivious of Jaebum’s sudden predicament, all too busy minding their businesses. “I’ll be there tonight, Youngjae.” He finally replies after his cousin’s panic.

 

To think that it had been a while since the last time he talked to him, he really wasn’t expecting Youngjae to tell him that kind of news. It was probably his fault that he never considered thinking about it, but now he’s doomed down helpless. It wasn’t supposed to shock him that much, a lot of people die every hour, and him working in a hospital should be more aware and accepting of that fact. Though his job is to keep people alive, he knew down in his core, death is inevitable.

 

He’s a doctor; has been for nearly ten years now and it is his first time hearing about a family member’s death, at least first time ever since he came into the field. Youngjae just told him that their grandmother died, of old age, this morning. She turned 87 years old this year and he had been too busy to visit her and attend her previous birthdays for the past twenty years.

 

While trying his best not tear up in front of his colleagues, he was thinking about her and the place where he grew up. She was practically the one who raised him. As a baby, his mother had asked his grandmother to look after him because they were always busy with work.

 

He hates it, how he’s finally realizing how much he has been neglectful of her.

 

When Jaebum went back to Seoul twenty years ago, he wanted to forget everything in Busan, but she wasn't included. She didn’t deserve it. How could he be so heartless?

 

“Hey, Jaebum.” He hears Jackson, a colleague and a friend; also a doctor in the same hospital. “It’s okay, I mean, I’ll cover for you, don’t worry.” He continues as he rests an arm around Jaebum’s shoulder. The latter briefly nods and heads out of the room without looking at anyone at all.

 

It was almost two hours later when he finally arrives. He was surprised he was able to last that long driving without actually trying to die.

 

The house, it almost looked the same, and the tree on their front yard is still there but the swing is gone now. The house, it really looked almost the same except this time, there are people loitering around, talking to each other in a hushed voice.

 

All the things he has tried forgetting goes back before his eyes. His childhood, his grandfather, his grandmother, his friends, and the boy who asked him to leave Busan. He was hurt, but he had changed, though, when he arrived in Seoul, he didn’t even find it hard to move on. He was so far away and nothing reminded him of anything.

 

Almost hesitantly, he makes his way inside the house, no one seems to recognize or notice him. The inside of the house hasn’t changed as well, nothing much has changed, his photo is still hanged on the wall, his first baseball bat, his medals, and the series of other photos of him and his grandparents that are just hard to look at.

 

He looks briefly on his feet, then he feels a gentle hand on his arm. It’s Youngjae and the moment he realizes it’s him he pulled him and hugged him. All the tears he has been trying to hold back since the morning finally exploded, wetting his cousin’s shoulder. “Hyung,” Youngjae says weakly, his voice sore from crying; Jaebum could tell.

 

“I’m sorry.” Jaebum doesn’t know why but he felt compelled to utter those words. “I’m sorry.” Youngjae and he were the only grandchildren, but because Youngjae and his parents live in Ilsan, he somewhat became the favorite.  “Hush, hyung.” Though, during summer and Christmas breaks, Youngjae takes the spot.

 

They walked towards their grandmother’s casket at the center of the room. There was a photo of her placed on it. She was smiling and Jebum remembers it was the photo he took a year before he left. There were a lot of others that he had gotten developed but this one’s his favorite, he didn’t know she kept it.

 

Jaebum gently untangles himself from Youngjae as he kneels down in front of the casket, breaking down as he does so. He cries, loud and uncaring of his surrounding. He didn’t care that all eyes are on him, he just went on and on about how sorry, how regretful he was, and how she didn’t deserve the pain he has caused her.

 

She calls him, she always does, whenever she misses him. She tells him to ‘come and visit this old woman, I miss you so much, you know.’ where he’d reply, ‘Sure, I will, I’m just too busy with school right now’ until it became ‘There too many patients right now, but I will visit you for sure.’ She was always sad, telling him ‘Aigoo, hurry before this old woman dies.’ Too soon, it was too soon, or was it really?

 

It took him minutes before he calmed down, Youngjae is still by his side, his eyes are dry now, but he doesn’t look any better. They both look like a mess. Jaebum stands quickly to make his way to the comfort room, but on his way there, he sees a familiar person by the kitchen. The guy, taller than he was before, still with the same beautiful face, is handing drinks to the visitors.

 

It wasn’t long when the guy finally turns to him, he didn’t react at first, and probably only walked towards him because he has mistaken him for a visitor. That is until he abruptly stopped walking, now only a few feet away from him, his breath hitched and he eyes squinting slowly. “Jaebum?” He says, he still sounded the same.

 

Jaebum fixes himself a little, sniffing and brushing his hair nonchalantly. “Jinyoung.” He says, for the first time in twenty years, he said it again. It felt weird, almost. Now that Jinyoung is closer to him, he can finally see his face, his all too beautiful face, his face that he and his grandmother adored so much.

 

Jinyoung looks slightly different, though. His eyes, for example, they are different for sure, it didn’t twinkle as bright as it did before. The circles around them, they are deep and dark, it definitely didn’t look because he hadn’t been sleeping. And, why does Jinyoung squint and unsquint from time to time, he doesn’t remember him having a bad eyesight?

 

“Sorry, my eyesight had gone a little rusty.” Jinyoung says and before he could say something in return, the former’s attention was called by Youngjae. There are new visitors, Jaebum doesn’t even recognize half of it and somehow he’s glad that there were a lot of people who love his grandmother because she deserves it.

 

Jinyoung glances at him, giving him a small smile before making his way to the entrance of the house. He then greets the people, asking them if they need water or anything at all.

 

He finally makes his way to the comfort room. He grunts seeing how hideous he looks, but something catches his attention. It’s the toothbrush and the mug by the sink. It’s his, it's the toothbrush he bought along with Jinyoung when the younger insisted on buying couple stuff after they had become officially. A bitter smile appears on his face as he takes the toothbrush in his hand.

 

His grandma was quick to notice the change in their relationship because the next day she bought them couple mugs, telling that she knew it she saw it coming. She had always been accepting, loving, and understanding towards them. So before he breaks down again, he walks out of the comfort room to be with Youngjae again.

  
  
  
  
  


By twelve, the visitors in their house gradually decreased. It has gone quieter and Jaebum is just so tired. He had been awake for more than two days now, there were too many patients in the past few days.

 

“Jaebum?” He turns towards the voice and sees Jinyoung holding a warm cup of milk for him. He gladly accepts it and sips casually. He remembered complaining that it was too sweet for his liking, but he’d always finish it with a contented heart. “Thanks.” He replied, glancing at Jinyoung again.

 

“Sure, no problem.” Jinyoung adjusts his cardigan as he sits on the last step of the stair, looking up towards Jaebum to do the same. Jaebum did, he sits parallel to him, not too close, though. “How have you been?” Jinyoung talks again with a hint of tiredness in his voice. When they were younger, it was the cue for Jaebum to reach out to him with his arms wide open, but things between them aren't the same anymore, so, he stays on his spot, gripping the cup tighter.

 

“Fine, I guess I could say that. Been very busy.” Jaebum replies, taking a sip after. “So, you’re finally a doctor now?” Jinyoung looks at him with fondness in his eyes, like he’s recalling a distant memory, a pleasant memory. It is a statement more than a question. He’s saying it like he’s happy for him, like a part of him achieved it as well. “Yeah, finally.” Jaebum smiles as he huffs while Jinyoung placed his knees together, resting his chin above his crossed arms after.

 

“I haven’t seen you in twenty years...” Jaebum follows quickly, turning the ball to Jinyoung because he doesn’t want this to be about him. “How have you been?” The wind becomes colder and the swooshing sound of the leaves fills the silence.

 

“Well, I haven’t seen you either.” Jinyoung chuckles lightly. He wants to say “I’m fine, thank you, and you? But you know, it was never the same without you.” but he opted for “I’m okay, getting by, rather.” Getting by from what? Jaebum wanted to ask, but before he could do so, a tall guy riding a bicycle stops in front of them. Jinyoung carefully stands up, dusting his butt off as he makes his way behind the tall guy.

 

When the tall guy cycles closer to them, he sees his face and realizes who he is. “Yugeyom.” Yugyeom however, looks hesitant on greeting him. He remembers him as the adorable kid who always tells him to stop taking his brother away from him. Now, he looks nothing like a kid. He’s probably even taller than Jaebum now.

 

“Jaebum hyung, condolence.” Yugyeom is Jinyoung’s younger brother and he knows every single thing about his brother, including their nasty break up. “We’ll get going then, Jaebum. Goodnight.” Jinyoung interjects as he sits behind Yugyeom, circling his arms around his brother’s torso.

 

“Goodnight.” He replies unwillingly, he wants to talk to Jinyoung more. He wants to know more about how he has been in the past twenty years. A simple “I’m okay, getting by, rather.” wouldn’t suffice all those years. What is he doing for a living? What has he been up to since he went away? Did he cry when Jaebum suddenly went away? Did he really move on from Jaebum? Does he have someone by his side now? Or is he married? How is he really?

 

Jaebum sighs, watching Jinyoung and Yugyeom leave him. They seemed to be bickering at something, but they’re too far now for Jaebum to hear it clearly so he moves back inside the house.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jaebum wakes up inside his room, the one he had used growing up. It felt nostalgic, nothing much has changed in his room either. He was even surprised because when he entered it for the first time again in two decades, it looked exactly how he left it. His books are still on the study table near the door, the Bart toy, the pencils and ball pens, the notebooks, the photo, they were still there like it hadn’t been twenty years.

 

He sighs, looking around, and then he looks back at the table, at the photo. He was fourteen in that photo and Jinyoung is thirteen. They are dressed in their school uniform, arms around each other with wide smiles on each face. He sighs again because it felt like everything happened yesterday and it’s funny because these are the things he intentionally left, and here they are, looking like they are waiting for him.

 

He sits up, finally, stretching a little, but not really leaving his bed yet. The burial was three days ago, it rained, but not that hard. It was gentle, like her grandmother, and he was so enthralled because, on their way to the cemetery, he saw a white butterfly flying with them. It was small, but it was beautiful, and he couldn’t take his eyes off it. Then, when they reached the cemetery, another white butterfly appeared and flew towards the first one.

 

It was his grandpa, picking up his grandma, he wants to believe that.

 

He goes to his cabinet and everything is still there. His uniform, his oversized shirts, his pants, everything. gingerly, he clutches to his chest. He thought he had cried enough last night, but here he is again, sitting on the floor beside his cabinet, hugging his knees close to his chest.

 

His grandmother kept everything the way it is, she didn’t even touch anything. Was it because she was waiting for Jaebum to come back home to her? Or was it because she was pretending that Jaebum was still there with her.

 

He hadn’t notice Youngjae coming into the room running towards him. “Hyung? What are you doing there?” He asks, pulling the older towards the bed and fortunately, Jaebum didn’t put up any fight, he just went along with him until he falls back asleep.

 

When he wakes up again, he is still feeling off, but better than earlier. After looking for his phone, he goes down to the kitchen, hungry because he had not eaten anything since lunch the day before. As he walks down the stairs, his phone rings, Jackson’s calling him.

 

“Hello? Jaebum?” Says the guy on the other line. “Hey.” Jaebum replies, noticing Youngjae is preparing something to eat. His parents and Youngjae’s are not around, so the house is eerily quiet apart from the clinking and clanking coming from the kitchen.

 

“How are you?” Jaebum looks around, trying to find an answer to Jackson’s question. “It’s okay if you can’t answer that yet.” Jackson follows up after not hearing anything from the other. “I just called to tell you that the management is giving you a time off. A month to be exact.” Jaebum’s still speechless, by now, Youngjae is seated opposite of him.

 

“Don’t worry, we got you all covered.”  Jaebum hums in reply. “Just, rest, take that time to rest, to clear your mind. You can always come back when you’re ready.” to this, Jaebum mumbles a quick ‘thank you’. He's somewhat glad that for the first time in twenty years he’s having a vacation there in Busan.

 

“How are you feeling, hyung?” Youngjae asks after patiently waiting for his cousin to finish talking over the phone. Jaebum sighs and takes his first bite before thinking of what to say to Youngjae. “I’m sad, regretful…” He replies, chewing the slightly burned egg. “Hyung.” Youngjae reaches his hand to Jaebum’s, squeezing it softly.

 

“I’m here for you.” He says, tugging the older’s hands. “I’m here for you, okay?” Jaebum couldn’t help but notice the younger’s words to him. Short and safe. Like, he himself is also on the verge of breaking down, and he’s barely keeping it all in.

 

“By the way, hyung,” Youngjae starts again, retreating his hand, but not in a negative way. “Since you’re gonna spend some time here, do you want me to keep you company?” The younger’s schedule is no better than him, he knows that for a fact, but unlike him, Youngjae always, always makes time for their grandmother.

 

“No, it’s okay, Youngjae-ah, I also want to have time for myself.” for a split second Youngjae looks half disappointed and half relieved. So, Jaebum smiles a little and says, “but you can always check on me.” with this, the younger finally smiled back at him, “Of course, I will and if I can’t, which is impossible, I can always ask Jinyoung hyung to do it. I mean if it’s okay with you.”

 

Hearing that name again, Jaebum suddenly springs up, sitting up straight and alive. “Jinyoung? When did you get to talk to him?” He almost forgot, of course, Youngjae always get to talk to him because he always visits their grandmother. And how could he ignore the fact that his grandmother is so so so fond of Jinyoung?

 

“The morning when grandma…” He trails off with his eyes automatically becoming glassy. He coughs, and then says, “while waiting, we had the chance to talk, he asked about you, you know.” Jaebum looks back at Youngjae but looks down immediately. “Really, what was it about?”

 

“He was asking when are you coming back. And you know, he always asks me that, though not directly. Like when I visit grandma and he’s already here, in the kitchen, preparing food. He’d ask me, how I’ve been and then he’d become quiet and then he’d ask about you.

 

"“How about Jaebum? How is he? Is he doing fine? I heard that he’s graduating soon?” and then, probably afraid that I’d notice that he’s dying to hear about you, he will shift it to grandma, “Will he take a break and visit your grandma? You know she’s always missing him. Maybe you could tell him to visit her once?” and other variations of that.”

 

Jaebum nods, listening intently as this is his first time hearing about this. Youngjae never said anything about this, but he remembers him talking him out about visiting their grandma. He just never thought Jinyoung would want to see him again.

 

“How is he?” Jaebum looks up to him. “How is he?” Youngjae takes a sip in his coffee, before creasing his forehead, probably thinking where to start. “Well, you really hadn’t heard anything about him in the past twenty years,” Youngjae says, looking straight into his eyes because he tried to let the older know about Jinyoung’s life but he would always get shut off. He’d either blatantly say “I don’t want to hear anything about him.” or leave him hanging.

 

“I guess, he’s okay. He’s now a teacher at the school where you went to in grade school.” This surprises Jaebum a little, “He’s a teacher?” Jaebum really couldn’t help but wonder because Jinyoung, like him, wanted to be a doctor. As kids, that was their dream. they both dreamed of becoming a doctor.  So it breaks his heart that Jinyoung didn’t become one, he wanted to be a doctor just as much as Jaebum wants.

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Youngjae is back to Ilsan with his parents, his own are also back in Seoul, it had been a week after all. He had gradually stopped crying, but sometimes, when he sees something in his room or in hers, he'd fall on the floor, crying to himself.

 

He also has not heard anything from Jinyoung yet, when Youngjae left him yesterday he spent his time all to himself. It is when his mother called him, asking him to get his grandmother’s death certificate from the hospital that he finally went out of the house.

 

Driving in the familiar neighborhood isn’t any better than staying at the house. If the house is all about his grandma, outside is all about Jinyoung. The park not too far, the riverbank, the old bookstore the coffee shop, the school, all of them were places where he and Jinyoung used to have dates.

 

He sighs for the nth time of the day, he sighs again when he reached the hospital. He feels weird going to a hospital without work in mind.

 

While waiting for the papers, he strolls around the hospital. He was a strong kid when he was younger so he didn't really go there often. The only memorable time he remembers there was when his grandfather died.

 

As he is about to enter the elevator, he sees Jinyoung walking briskly with a knot on his forehead. He had an unreadable expression on his face and Yugyeom behind him is looking a little pissed.

 

“Jinyoung.” He calls him as he meets him halfway which startles Jinyoung. “Jaebum.” He replies, breathing raggedly. Jaebum glances at Yugyeom, giving him a quick nod before turning his attention back to Jinyoung.

 

“What are you doing here?” Jaebum asks while watching Yugyeom in his peripheral. If earlier he looks pissed, now he looks pretty worried, like something is troubling him and Jinyoung isn’t listening.

 

If Jaebum had paid more attention to Jinyoung, he would have seen how surprised he was to his question. “General check up.” He replied, lifting his hands in a dismissing manner. “No need to worry or anything.”

 

Jaebum stares at Jinyoung, but knowing the latter, he just nods at him. Then, Jaebum hears his name being called from the front desk and that’s Jinyoung’s cue to leave. He bids Jaebum a quick goodbye before storming off with  Yugyeom who seemed pissed off again.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was a spur of the moment decision for Jaebum to drive himself to his grade school. It wasn’t far from his home, so he reached it easily, but he feels hesitant to make his way inside. He didn’t really inform Jinyoung about his sudden visit. He isn’t even sure if he’s there.

 

After talking himself out, Jaebum goes out of his car and towards the lobby of the school. He first met Jinyoung in this school, they were in grade one. He didn’t fall in love when he saw him. He was thin, shy, quiet, and aloof. However, Jaebum knew he was going to love him and a few years later, he did, he really really did.

 

He smiles at the memory because he’s almost forty now and here he is recalling what happened to him when he was in grade school. He walks deeper into the lobby, looking at the bulletin boards and the posts. There is a calendar of events and there is also the teacher of the month.

 

He smiled bigger when he saw Jinyoung’s face on it. Now that he thinks about it, it suddenly confused him if Jinyoung really had wanted to be a doctor or he was just trying to copy Jaebum so they could be together. It’s not like he’s trying to question Jinyoung, because he too, during that time, he had wanted to be with Jinyoung, always.

 

He almost missed it when he turns around, Jinyoung is clutching to the handrail of the stair with his other hand on his head. His eyes were closed and his forehead is creased, like the last time he saw him.

 

“Jinyoung!” He yells and runs towards Jinyoung who immediately clings to him. Jinyoung doesn’t respond to him, his eyes are still closed. So, he asks the kids who passed by for the direction of the clinic as he carries him in his arms.

 

As soon as they got there, the door opens, revealing a slim guy with red hair who quickly ushered them to the bed. Jaebum lays down Jinyoung his doctor-self kicking in. “Please get me a cup of water.” He says to the guy who obeys him wordlessly.

 

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum says, this time holding Jinyoung to sit on the bed. “Hey, what’s wrong? Can you tell how you feel so I’d know what medicine to give you?” Jinyoung opens his eyes, his forehead creasing harder. He blinks profusely, then he closes his eyes again. He looks frustrated and nervous at the same time, so Jaebum shakes him softly, repeating his question.

 

“My head hurts.” Jinyoung replies softly, “My migraine, I guess.” To which he earns a scoff from the guy who hands Jaebum the water and tablet. Jaebum takes it and guides Jinyoung to drink the medicine.

 

“Look at you, Jinyoung.” Says the guy while walking towards his table, watching Jaebum massage either of the sides of Jinyoung’s head. “Are you really not going to do it?” This might have triggered Jinyoung because the latter suddenly opened his eyes, leaped out of the bed while yelling “Mark!” then, he almost falls on the floor if not from Jaebum’s quick reflexes.

 

It’s Jaebum's time to crease his forehead, Jinyoung looked like he wanted to hit the guy, Mark, but he was definitely not going to where he is. “Not going to do what?” he asks, looking towards Mark’s direction so he didn’t see Jinyoung shaking his head mouthing ‘no’.

 

Mark looks conflicted, Jaebum isn’t stupid to know that Mark definitely knows something, but obviously, he doesn’t want to say it. Not at least without Jinyoung’s consent who looks like he doesn’t want to let Jaebum know. Then, Jaebum becomes anxious. Of course, who is he to know whatever the hell is that, they are no longer dating anyway.

 

Right now, they are just, two people who had something in the past. Nothing more and nothing less. So, instead of prodding deeper, Jaebum stayed quiet until the medicine has finally taken effect then he offered to drive Jinyoung home. Jinyoung looked like he doesn’t want to, but when Mark told him that it would be better to go home, he just gave in.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Jinyoung hyung!” Yugyeom yells, the veins on his neck appearing in red angry lines. They had been yelling at each other for nearly half an hour now. Yugyeom is crying, his face all too red from frustration. Jinyoung turns his body to him, his eyes not even looking at his direction. “Yugyeom, didn’t we talk about this already?” He says calmly, trying to prevent the tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

 

To this, Yugyeom lets out a frustrated sigh, and says, “hyung, please stop being so stubborn!” Jinyoung shakes his head, the unshed tears finally crawling out of his eyes. “Don’t worry about me, Yugyeom. I’m okay, I’m not going to be b-”

 

“You’re okay!?” Yugyeom repeats, louder and angrier as he walks up to his brother. “Is that what you called okay!?” Jinyoung could only bite his lips.

 

“Hyung… You’re practically blind right now.” Yugyeom says in a hushed voice. They don’t say it, they just don’t. They don’t talk about Jinyoung going blind because Jinyoung doesn’t like it and he isn’t going to be blind, the what he says at least.

 

So Jinyoung tilts his head up, eyes moving but not seeing. “Yugyeom.” was the only thing he could say, because it’s true. Recently it had been happening frequently, it went from once a month to thrice until twice a week.

 

Sometimes his vision would just be very very blurry, like a camera extremely out of focus. Sometimes it isn’t that bad, he just had to squint so he could see clearer. And there are days, like today, that it’s all black. He sees nothing, nothing at all.

 

Yugyeom, after realizing what he had just said, goes to hug his brother. “I’m sorry.” He whispers as he kisses his brother’s head. “I’m just really really really worried about you, hyung.” Jinyoung nods, he wasn’t mad earlier, he was just frustrated.

 

“We can make a way for this, hyung. So please, undergo the operation.” Jinyoung shakes his head as soon as he heard it. “I can’t, Yugyeom. I can’t. We can’t, it’s too expensive-”

 

“Hyung!” Yugyeom places both of his hands on his brother’s face, he knows he can’t see him right now, but he knows he can feel it. “If it’s about the money, hyung, we can make a way.”

 

Jinyoung shakes his head again, it’s not that he doesn’t want to see anymore. He does, really, but he already feels that he robbed a lot from his brother. Spending a huge amount of money for him would not change that.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When he was younger he had what he wanted, Yugyeom was still young that time too, so he doesn’t realize it all. He was in high school when he first encountered having problems with his eyesight. He didn’t tell anyone about it, not even Jaebum. Mainly because he thought it wouldn’t cause him problems in the long run, like it was just a one-time or two-time thing.

 

But, it wasn’t the reason why he didn’t pursue studying medicine with Jaebum. It was their plan, even as kids, to become doctors some day. But one night, his father came home, eyes red from crying. He doesn’t look like he was in his right mind.

 

“I’m sorry.” He had said repeatedly to them, again and again. “I’m so sorry, I did whatever I can… But, but, but I’m sorry. I lost it, I lost everything we have! I did what I can! I’m sorry.” He said while crying, looking at everything but them.

 

That’s when he found out that the small business they have gone bankrupt. It was the bookstore, the only bookstore in town. It’s his father’s blood, sweat, and tears, and then almost suddenly, it’s gone.

 

His father that he was looking up to looked nothing like the man he was before. He lost the light in his eyes the moment he lost the bookstore. He stopped talking to them or to anyone. Like he locked himself in his own world and no one can penetrate. Though his father had been a great parent to them, in that moment, he wished his mother was still alive because he couldn’t handle seeing his father break down.

 

Drinking was never his father’s favorite thing to do. He didn’t like it, he used to tell them that it was too bitter. But then, since he had been a different person, he started drinking. He drinks but he doesn’t talk. He somehow always finds ways to have alcohol in his system with Jinyoung and Yugyeom barely full from their meal.

 

And then one day, after his father had spent out drinking outside the bookstore something happened. He was no longer intoxicated, ready to go home because he missed his sons for the first time since his life went downhill. When he stood up to walk, he saw flashing lights and a quick summary of his life before a car went flying to his direction. He was crushed towards the lamppost, his body nearly cut in half because of the impact.

 

Jinyoung didn’t believe what he heard, he couldn’t accept it. He felt devastated, he looked up to his father because he was a kind, loving, and dedicated man. And then, the same man before his eyes becomes nothing but a bloody lump of flesh without any trace of life. He’s suddenly gone, leaving him and Yugyeom to his grandparents.

  
  


It was probably with what was happening in his life that he started questioning everything, including Jaebum’s love for him and his for him. It was one humid afternoon during the start of the summer after their last year in high school. His father had died early that year and he already knew that he was going to have a bad year ahead.

 

He and Jaebum decided to hang out by the riverbank, it’s one of his favorite places in their town. However, for some reasons, he got irritated when Jaebum tried holding his hand. He flinched away and didn’t even bother explaining himself.

 

Out of the blue, he looked at him and said, “I don’t think I love you.” startling Jaebum who wasn’t ready to hear any of it. Not that time, not in that moment, not when he, too, needed love most. “Actually, I never did.” He said nonchalantly and he regretted it soon after.

 

He saw right in Jaebum’s eyes that everything finally crumbled down. The day Jinyoung’s father died, was also the day Jaebum's grandfather died. He was in the area when it happened. Before he left the house, he told Jaebum’s grandmother that he would try talking to Jinyoung’s father.

 

So, definitely, Jaebum wasn’t expecting to hear about his grandfather’s death. According to the people who saw it, his grandfather tried to help Jinyoung’s father. Albeit being old, he was a strong man but just when has finally gotten a hold of Jinyoung’s father, the car started moving again, rolling over the old man who was only there to help.

 

Jaebum had it bad, the old man, like his grandmother had been too much of an angel in his life. His death was crippled but he had to be strong for Jinyoung. Because unlike him, he lost his parent. So, he really had to be strong for him because, god, he swore to his heart that he loves Jinyoung.

 

“Don’t be like this, Jinyoung.” Jaebum tried to say calmly, but he’s shaking. Jinyoung, realizing that he had put himself into another pit of despair, avoided Jaebum’s eyes. “Jinyoung, look at me. Tell me you’re lying.” Jaebum said again, his hands reaching out to hold Jinyoung’s but the latter flinched away again, standing up in the process.

 

“Don’t touch me!” He wasn’t meant to say that. He really wasn’t, but it was too late. “Don’t ever go near me again! I hate you so go! Leave me alone! Go back to your parents and never show me yourself again!” With that, Jinyoung storms off not really acknowledging that he has broken Jaebum into million and trillion pieces.

 

He didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that Jaebum, too, was broken. But at least, Jaebum's better than him, because Jaebum was trying his best to be strong for both of them and he did nothing but to break him more.

 

It happened too fast, because the next thing Jinyoung knew, Jaebum was already in Seoul. When he showed up at his grandparent’s house, his grandma was looking far; quiet and unmoving. She didn’t even move a muscle when she saw Jinyoung coming in. All she said was, “Maybe he’d be happier with his parents.”  and she broke down in front of him.

 

Jinyoung didn’t even get to say goodbye.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jinyoung’s vision went back the morning after. Though it was still a little hazy and blurry, it is much better than yesterday. He gets up and goes to the kitchen to see that Yugyeom left him a note. Like always, he’s telling him not to forget to eat breakfast and lunch.

 

He sighs and sits down on one of the chairs. For so long, being the older, Jinyoung always looked after Yugyeom. When their father died, his grandparents were there to take care of them, but not long after they moved back to their own homes.

 

He took side jobs so he could support them. That’s why keeping Jaebum off his mind that time was easy because he had a lot of things to do. He can’t bother to waste a single minute crying his heart out when he could be working so he can provide food for his brother. However, ever since the condition of his eyes worsened, there had been changes between them.

 

Now it seems like Yugyeom is the hyung and he’s the dongsaeng. The dongsaeng who is stubborn, but also the dongsaeng who loves his brother dearly. His thoughts were then put on a halt when he hears someone knocking on the door. He glances at the wall clock above the door of his bedroom wondering who could it be at this time of the day.

 

“Hi, Jinyoung.” Jaebum said as soon as Jinyoung opened the door. Clad in a thick gray pullover with a basket hanging in his left hand. “Jaebum… What are you doing here?” he asks, not really opening the door enough for Jaebum to go in.

 

“I’m just checking on you, you were in a bad shape yesterday.” He says nervously before lifting the basket up, showing Jinyoung its contents. “And I brought you this.” So albeit, hesitant, Jinyoung welcomes Jaebum inside the house, leading him towards the kitchen because he needs to finish the food his brother made for him.

 

“So, how are you? Do you feel any better?” Jaebum asks, looking straight into Jinyoung’s eyes. Then he, hesitantly, reaches his hand towards Jinyoung’s head to check the latter’s temperature. Jinyoung, on the other hand, just keeps himself quiet, only nodding to give Jaebum an answer.

 

“Have you been experiencing migraines?” He asks again, retreating his hand back and settling it in front of him. Jinyoung briefly looks at him before nodding again. “Since when?” For some reasons, Jinyoung doesn’t want Jaebum to know. He had already made a fool of himself twenty years ago, he doesn’t want to sink lower than he already is.

 

So, keeps his head down, resuming to eat his food like he hadn’t heard Jaebum. The latter takes it as a cue; he sighs because Jinyoung really hasn’t changed. He doesn't want if he doesn't want. “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. I’m just worried about you.” He trails off, then, he coughs and continues, “and I’m a doctor, you know… I can help you.”

 

“You don’t have to rub it in- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.” He responds, heaving a deep breath before looking back to Jaebum. Fortunately, the older didn’t seem hurt. He looks like he was partly expecting it.

 

“I know.” Jaebum promised himself that he would not touch Jinyoung if unnecessary, but it’s just too hard to do when the latter looks at him like this. So, slowly; just enough to give Jinyoung a time to pull his hand away, after seeing that Jinyoung wants it as much as he does, Jaebum intertwines his fingers with the younger's.

 

Jinyoung sighs when he felt Jaebum’s skin on his. It has been so long since the last time they held hands, now all the atoms in his body is yearning to touch Jaebum. To be reunited, at last. When Jinyoung refused to move an inch, the atoms started to rebel against him and his eyes are suddenly watery.

 

“I missed you.” Jinyoung pulls his hand away, covering his mouth so he wouldn’t sound so loud, so needy, so sad. “I missed you.” He repeats, and on the third time, Jaebum finally stands and moves to his side.

 

“I missed you. I missed you so much Jaebum.” he looks up to Jaebum, reaching his hands to cup the older’s face to tell him directly that “I missed you so fucking much, Jaebum.” Jaebum could only smile in response because even if he tells him that he missed him too, it wouldn’t just be enough.

  
  


Minutes later, when Jinyoung is done eating, they moved towards the small couch in the living room. Jaebum’s arm circled securely around Jinyoung’s torso with the latter’s head planted on the former’s neck.

 

It’s nostalgic, being in the same position, in the same house, with the same person. Jinyoung was such clingy person when they were younger. He was always wanting to be near Jaebum, touch him, hold hands with him, or just be in the same space as him.

 

“Do you want to go around the town tomorrow?” Jaebum pulls Jinyoung closer to him as he talks. “Hmmm.” Jinyoung shuffles closer, all too comfortable because it felt somehow he’s back to where he belongs, Jaebum’s arms. “Since it’s Sunday tomorrow, maybe you can join me?” Jaebum feels a slight nod which makes him sigh and smile after.

 

Jinyoung’s  light snoring and breathing pattern lull Jaebum to sleep as well. For the first time in years, he feels a certain contentment, a certain happiness radiating from his heart. When he wakes up later, Jinyoung is still fast asleep in his arms, his hands on his chest, just above his heart.

 

He brushes the fringes off Jinyoung’s forehead so he could see his face clearer. Jinyoung, he’s still the same old Jinyoung only a little different now. He always had wrinkles when they were younger, especially when he smiles, but now it’s more evident. His eyes are deeper, the corner of his lips more downturned, and he looks older.

 

Jaebum felt like he just closed his eyes and the moment he opened them again, Jinyoung’s older, older than he actually is. His hands, they were still as beautiful as they were before, but they’re more calloused now like there wasn’t a day they didn’t work. Slowly, he took it to his, carding each finger, squeezing it lightly.

 

When Jinyoung stirs, Jaebum mumbles “It’s okay, it’s okay.” to the former’s head while rubbing his back. Jinyoung falls back to sleep quickly. When he's certain Jinyoung is fast asleep again, Jaebum drops a gentle kiss on his forehead, telling him again that it’s okay, everything’s okay.

  
At least in that moment, everything is.


	2. 002

 

 

 

 

Instead of taking his car, Jaebum opted to walk towards Jinyoung’s house. It reminded him of the days when they were still in high school. He’d always pick up Jinyoung first before going to school. They would hold each other’s hands and talk aimlessly.

 

Now, as he walks towards the same path, all he could think of was Jinyoung during that time. He had always been a little smaller than Jaebum, but he was always the one who knows what he wants to do. He was pretty pushy and he would tell Jaebum that “I’m not pushy! I’m persuasive” because that’s what he is, but the former doesn’t really mind.

 

He knew, up until now, he had loved every bit of Jinyoung. From his persuasiveness to his hardheadedness. Jinyoung, despite his flaws, was just too lovable and irresistible in Jaebum’s eyes. He’d give in at any time of the day if the younger asks because he’s too weak for him.

 

When he arrived at Jinyoung’s house, the latter is already waiting by the door, waving his hand at him. “Hi.” He says, stopping right in front of Jinyoung. “Hello.” Jinyoung then jumps to Jaebum’s arms which makes the latter wince, because he seems too light. But of course, he knows better, he didn’t bring it up, instead, he holds Jinyoung tighter and to twirl around.

 

“Where is our first stop?” Jinyoung asks after Jaebum had put him down, but they are still close to each other. Jaebum’s arm is over Jinyoung’s shoulder while the latter has his arm around the former’s torso. “I don’t know, wherever our feet take us?” Jaebum says, leaning down to rest his forehead on Jinyoung’s as they grin in unison.

 

Jinyoung chuckles a little later because everything feels right. Everything is the same from twenty years ago. It’s as if nothing really happened as if two decades didn’t pass by as if it’s him and Jaebum again, and they are happy.

 

When they reached the park, Jaebum pulled him towards the swing and they took one each. Jaebum has his swing steady while Jinyoung moves his lightly. Jaebum, however, couldn’t help but notice that everytime Jinyoung looks at him, he’s squinting or rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands or the heels of his palms.

 

“Are your eyes okay?” Jaebum finally asks, but Jinyoung just gives him a dismissive shrug. “Let’s not talk about my eyes, they’re okay.” He says, smiling at Jaebum though the latter knows something was definitely off. “Let’s talk about you instead.”

 

Jaebum heaves a sigh, he will never win against Jinyoung, even after all this time. “What about me?” He asks, looking back at Jinyoung who has his head leaning against the chains of his swing while staring at everything but him.

 

“When are you going back to Seoul?” Jinyoung says meekly and to which Jaebum huffs. “Soon. I still have more time.” intentionally, Jaebum didn’t answer him directly, because he wants Jinyoung to look at him. The latter does, he turns to him, his forehead creasing. “When?”

 

Instead of responding, Jaebum stares at Jinyoung, he stares at his faces, at his eyes. He seemed to have a hard time getting enough of Jinyoung’s face. “Three more weeks.” He finally says which then makes JInyoung look away with an unreadable expression on his face.

 

“Do you have any plans on how you’d spend those weeks?” Jinyoung asks, kicking the ground so his swing would move again. He had stopped earlier when Jaebum didn’t answer him directly. Jaebum shakes his head.

 

“I don’t know. Anywhere, I guess. Anywhere with you.” Jaebum keeps on staring at Jinyoung who suddenly looks younger with the timid smile on his face. The longer he stares at Jinyoung, the more he remembers that this is also the place where Jinyoung confessed at him.

 

They just got off from school, first day in high school. They were used to have just each other when they were in grade school, but when they entered college, things went totally upside down. With hormones doing their thing, they hit puberty and suddenly everyone finds Jaebum attractive, Jinyoung didn’t have a problem with that.

 

However, Jinyoung isn’t fan of it either because he knew, even before that he had always been attracted to his best friend. So, after waiting for Jaebum to entertain all the flock of girls and boys who were trying to get his attention, he dragged him to the park. Exasperated and a little sad.

 

“Have you had enough!?” He yelled at him before taking one of the swings, angrily kicking the ground. “About what?” Jaebum, confused as always, mimicked Jinyoung only calmer. “About those people giving you their hearts.” Jinyoung glared at him at while gripping the chains of the swing, his knuckles almost turning white.

 

“Jinyoung-”

 

“You’re mine, Jaebum! And I’m the one who can only like-” After realizing what he had just said, Jinyoung covered his eyes while letting another exasperated sigh. “Do you like me, Jinyoung-ah?” Jaebum tried even though he’s afraid, even though his insides are shaking.

 

Jinyoung turned to him, scowling before yelling. “Yes! That’s why you can’t like them. Because I like you.” but he trails off, head bowing a little. “Unless you don’t like me and you don’t want me anymore.”

 

Finally, Jaebum stood up and made his way in front of Jinyoung. He kneeled and took the younger’s hand in his. “Of course, I like you. You’re the only one I like.” and then they were both on the ground, Jinyoung was crying, telling him how scared he was that he was gonna be rejected. Jaebum could only allow the younger to ball out because he was feeling the same way.

 

Really, if Jinyoung hadn’t confessed to him, they would never get the chance to date. He was too chicken to confess and too afraid of what’s ahead of them if Jinyoung turned out to have a different feeling for him.

 

“What are you laughing at?” Jinyoung suddenly asks, pulling Jaebum out of his trance. “You.” Jaebum responds nonchalantly which earned an eyebrow raise from Jinyoung. “You’re laughing at me?” Jinyoung’s shoulder visibly rises, his forehead creasing.

 

“No, yes, I mean. I just remembered something.” Jaebum smiles and somehow Jinyoung seemed to have remembered the same thing which explains why he’s suddenly red. “Really, Jaebum?” He says a little later, laughing because of how foolish they were back then. “Really?”

  
  


The next time they get together was the next day. Jaebum picked Jinyoung up from school, suggesting to eat dinner together. Then, the next time was the day after, Jaebum decided to send Jinyoung to school and he may or may not have planned to sit in Jinyoung’s class.

 

Jinyoung is teaching grade one so his students are young and playful, and with Jaebum around, he can’t really tell if he’s helping or not. However, the students were far to infatuated with the doctor. Even Kyungsoo, who had always been aloof except to Jinyoung was so attached with Jaebum.

 

Jinyoung was walking around the room, checking the students if they were following his instructions to draw their favorite animal. While he was on his way to go to the back, he felt a light tug on his pants. He looked down and saw Kyungsoo, wide-eyed, looking straight into his eyes.

 

“Yes, sweetheart? What can I do for you?” Jinyoung asked while smiling as he crouched down in front of the kid. Kyungsoo then leaned to his ear and whispered: “Can I sit beside Jaebum-sshi?” Kyungsoo’s small hands then found their way to Jinyoung’s cheek. “Please?”

 

Jinyoung chuckled as he picked the kid up, walking towards Jaebum’s direction. “Hey, mister, this sweetheart wants to sit with you. Would that be okay?” Jinyoung said calling Jaebum’s attention. The older was also drawing something on the spare paper he got from Jinyoung.

 

“Of course! How can I say no to this cute young man.” Kyungsoo’s face visibly lit up. He then kissed Jinyoung’s cheek before asking the latter to put him down. As soon as the teacher did, the kid went climbing on the doctor’s lap.

  
  
  


“You didn’t have to do that.” Jinyoung says to Jaebum who helped him with setting up the children’s booth for the school fair. “It’s nothing, really.” Jaebum’s still sweaty as he did not only arranged the booth, he also played with the students while doing so.

 

Fortunately, Kyungsoo was kind enough to help  Jaebum. He follows Jaebum’s instructions and he seemed really fond of him. Jinyoung smiles at Jaebum, they're heading to the latter’s car, heading home or maybe grab a dinner first.

 

“One week.” He says when they’re inside the car. Jaebum glances at him while putting his seatbelt on. “One week?” Jaebum repeats and then motions Jinyoung to put his seatbelt on as well. Jinyoung sighs and says, “Before you go back to Seoul.”

 

Jaebum stops and stares at Jinyoung. He had not realized that the past days had been too happy for him. “Oh.” was the word that escaped his mouth which somehow pissed Jinyoung off. “Do you want to sleep over at the house then?”

 

To this, the anger building up in Jinyoung’s face faded away replaced by a smile rival to the sun. When Jinyoung realized that he might be smiling too hard, he coughs and turned to look on his right where Jaebum wouldn’t be able to see it. “We should cook too.” He says a little later when he has finally calmed down.

 

“You mean, I cook too?” Jaebum then earns a light hit on his arm. Jinyoung was a bad cook when they were younger, somehow he always end up burning even the easiest food to cook. “Hey, I have improved!” Jinyoung bites back, making Jaebum chuckle.

 

“If you say so.”

  
  
  
  


Three days later they are building forts in Jaebum’s room. And true to his words, Jinyoung really has gotten better at cooking, he was able to burn only half of the food he cooked.

 

“You know, I was surprised when I entered this room again.” Jaebum starts as he knots the end of his blanket to the handle of his window. The fort is almost done, proably because Jinyoung is a teacher he had become better in doing one. “Why so?” Jinyoung responds while tying the other end to the chair they got downstairs.

 

“Everything looked the same. It made me feel like I never left.” Jaebum trails off, avoiding to look at Jinyoung’s eyes. “She wanted it to keep it this way.” Jinyoung then walks to Jaebum’s side, cupping the doctor’s face in his hands.

 

“Your grandma wanted to keep everything the way it is.” Jinyoung continues, his thumbs moving in a wiping motion. “She wanted it to look like you can always come back and pick up where you left.” Jaebum’s hand found Jinyoung’s waist, he encircles his arms around him and slowly rests his head on the younger’s shoulders.

 

“Do you miss her?” Jinyoung asks, his fingers carding Jaebum’s hair. Jaebum nods, tears welling up in his eyes. “I miss her too. You know, she missed you a lot. She was always missing you.” Jaebum hugs him tighter, burying his face deeper into Jinyoung’s shoulder.

 

“Now, now…” Jinyoung then gently pushed Jaebum’s face off from his shoulders. He cups his face again while looking straight into his eyes. “She’s probably happy now because you’re here and you pick up where you left.” He says while wiping Jaebum’s tears.

 

“Why don’t we go inside the fort now?” Jaebum chuckles, then he nods, finding it funny that they are grown men now, almost forty, and here they are building forts. Jinyoung, after giving Jaebum’s cheeks a light squeeze, takes the latter’s hands and leads him to the entrance of the fort.

 

Enthralling. That’s what Jinyoung is. Jaebum is and has always been enthralled by Jinyoung that is until suddenly the roof of their fort falls on them. Jinyoung laughs loudly as he takes the blanket off their heads. The wrinkles in his cheeks appearing, but damn, he's still making it hard for Jaebum to breathe.

 

Enthralled. That’s what’s Jaebum is.

 

“I guess we’re probably too big to fit in now.” He says, gathering the blanket, draping it over his shoulders. Jaebum couldn’t help but smile, Jinyoung is true. Then, he opens his arms wide for Jinyoung to melt into. The latter moves until he’s comfortable in Jaebum’s arms.

 

Their hands found each other and tangled themselves gingerly. “Jaebum, I lied.” Jinyoung says, looking up to Jaebum from the latter’s shoulder. Jaebum looks back at him, eyebrows up. “About what?”

 

“Me not loving you.” Jaebum’s eyes soften, but his heart starts beating hard. He pulls Jinyoung closer to him as he looks towards their tangled feet. “What I told you wasn’t true. And it was the most stupid lie I have ever told anyone. I was… I was in a rough patch that time, everything went crumbling down before me. I was scared, really really really scared of what the world is going to take from me next.”

 

Jaebum knew it, Jaebum was dead sure that Jinyoung’s mind was just in chaos so he was able to say those things. However, he wasn’t really in a good shape that time as well. They were both young, foolish, and the world decided to test them, but they were too weak.

 

“I was lying when I told you that I don’t love you, that I never did because the world is my witness. The world saw how much I loved you… How much I love you.” Jinyoung says it like he means it because he does, Jaebum can tell he really does.

 

Jaebum looks back into Jinyoung’s eyes, seeing himself and the latter’s eyes. “I know.” He says, smiling a little. “But thank you for telling me, I needed to hear it. I needed to hear it from you.”

 

Jinyoung tears up while flashing him a sad smile. “I wanted to make sure that what we felt was real. That I wasn’t the only one who was feeling the pain, the love, of course, the love.” Jinyoung nods to it, permitting his tears to rush from his eyes down to his cheeks.

 

“This makes me happy. You know, because even though we didn’t end up happily, we had always been happy. Our relationship had always been filled with love. Thank you for making me happy, Jinyoung. Thank you for letting me know that what we felt was love.” Jinyoung doesn’t know how to react to what he has just heard, would it be more apt to cry? Or should he smile?

 

“This finally gives me a closure. We can finally end this chapter of our lives.” Jinyoung didn’t care anymore, so he cries and cries while clutching to Jaebum.

 

“I’m glad” Jinyoung says even though he wasn’t. And Jaebum hates it, so he leans in and takes Jinyoung’s lips. He tastes the same, maybe only sweeter.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jaebum only has two days left before he’s returning to Seoul. Jackson had called him earlier, asking how he was, he even told him that if he needed more time, it would be okay. But Jaebum’s okay now, he should return to Seoul soon.

 

He finally had closure to his unfinished chapters, it would only be fitting for him to leave and go on with his life. And maybe, just maybe, if Jinyoung wants to, maybe they could start another chapter.

 

It would be nice, except that when he woke up, Jinyoung’s not beside him. The side of his bed is no longer warm and that only means he had been gone for a while now. He sits up and looks at the fort, he needs to put them all back to their places later. He needs to clean because he’s leaving soon and no one would be at home.

 

Jinyoung looked beautiful last night, he has always been, but he was extra beautiful last night. He was even clingier and more needy last night that’s why he didn’t understand why the younger had left him without waking him up.

 

As he leaves his bed, he sees Jinyoung’s wallet along with the other pillows on the floor. Out of curiosity he opens it and sees a photo of them. It was the same one he has on his study table. He couldn’t help but smile at the thought that Jinyoung kept it all those years.

 

So when he’s done taking a bath and eating, he heads out to give Jinyoung his wallet back. When he gets off his car, he sees that the door in Jinyoung’s house was open. So, without knocking he comes in, but there was no one in the living room even in the kitchen.

 

He walks upstairs and starts hearing a murmur which later turned to shouting. It caused Jaebum to rush towards Jinyoung’s room and there he saw him with Yugyeom by the window. They both looked surprised when the door opened.

 

“Who’s that?” Jinyoung asks which confused Jaebum. “It’s me, Jaebum.” Jinyoung who is still in his bed could have turn to look at his direction to know him, but he didn’t, he just stayed looking at his blanket.

 

Jinyoung, upon hearing Jaebum’s voice tilts his head towards his direction, eyes moving far too fast.  Jinyoung stands up and walks but not towards Jaebum. He hits himself into the chair beside the bed like he didn’t see it.

 

By now Yugyeom is trying to guide him, but Jinyoung pushed him away. Jinyoung reaches his hand out, trying to find where Jaebum is actually standing, but he misses him as he only hits himself again on the study table.

 

Jaebum not being able to handle it anymore rushes towards him. Hugging him as soon as he got in front of him. “Jinyoung, tell me what’s happening.” He says softly.

 

Jinyoung pulled away and tried to look at him in the eyes but just keeps on missing it. “I’m okay, don’t worry about me-”

 

“You’re not okay, hyung!” Yugyeom yells from the corner.

 

“Don’t get into this, Yugyeom.” Jinyoung warns, his hands gripping Jaebum’s arms tighter.

 

“Jinyoung, tell me what is happening?” Jaebum repeats himself, this time slower, it’s almost taunting. Jinyoung, however, didn’t like it, so he turns around, but Jaebum stops him. “Jinyoung, please, tell me.”

 

Jinyoung cries and leans back to Jaebum’s chest, but it didn’t last long. He breaks himself free from Jaebum’s hold and tries to go back to his bed. Fortunately, without hitting anything anymore, he gets to sit back.

 

“Jinyoung-”

 

“He’s blind, he’s going blind-” “Yugyeom!”

 

“What hyung? Why aren’t you telling Jaebum hyung that you’re practically blind right now and sooner or later you might fully go blind if you still refuse to undergo the operation.” In between Yugyeom’s sentence, Jinyoung stands up, trying to reach his brother, fuming in anger.

 

Jaebum could only watch Jinyoung hit himself against the things around the room until he falls to his feet. “Why are you doing this to me, Yugyeom?” Jaebum is still trying to digest the pieces of information Yugyeom has casually thrown him.

 

“Why are you doing this to yourself, hyung?” Yugyeom asks back and before Jaebum could stop himself, he speaks.

 

“Why are you so insistent on keeping this from me?” Jaebum cuts them, speaking suddenly. Jinyoung pushes himself up to sit with tears wetting up his whole face. “Why do you have to know?” Jinyoung fires back, sitting almost lifelessly on the floor.

 

“Jinyoung-”

 

“So you can look down on me?”

 

“Jinyoung that’s not-”

 

“Jaebum I have been stupid enough to let you go twenty years ago. Why would I let you know that I’m losing my eyesight? So I can sink down deeper than I’m already in? That, what? I’m blind, miserable, and there you are, a successful doctor who got to achieve his dreams? That I’m just here, nothing but a miserable fool.”  Jaebum’s heart is breaking from what he’s hearing. It’s painful to listen to Jinyoung talk about this. Regardless of his flaws, Jaebum had always seen Jinyoung as a beautiful and worthy person.

 

“Jinyoung.” Jaebum finally moves to pick Jinyoung up from the floor but the latter keeps on resisting. Jaebum gives up and just sits in front of Jinyoung. “Jinyoung, why would I do that to you? That’s just- I can’t. You know how much I love you-”

 

“Liar.” Jinyoung pushes Jaebum away from him, taking the latter’s hands off him. “You don’t love me, well not anymore.” Jaebum is taken aback because here Jinyoung goes again. It’s like he went back to two decades ago. “What are you saying now, Jinyoung?”

 

“Last night, you told me that you’re happy that you will finally get a closure. That you will finally get to close our chapter." He heaves a breath as he wipes his cheeks with the back of his hands.

 

"Okay, since I have already sunk this way, let me tell you a few things. Jaebum, when you left, there was never a day I wished I hadn’t said that I didn’t love you. There was never a day I wished that you’d return to me because you couldn’t accept that I didn’t love you.

 

“I’m so fucking stupid because even after all those years,  without anything, no letters, emails, nothing at all, still I waited for you. I am still loving you because I never stopped. Even though I was so miserable I still waited for you instead of just moving on because I just can’t do it. And then last night, just when I thought we could finally pick up where we left you told me how bad you want to close our chapter.

 

“Jaebum, I didn’t want to close it, I don’t want to, I never even thought of it.”

 

By now, all the three of them are crying. Yugyeom who is by the window is trying to keep himself quiet. Having been a witness of how his brother continues to love Jaebum from through the years. It breaking his heart that it seemed like it was all for nothing.

 

Meanwhile, Jaebum was heaving like Jinyoung, both catching their breaths.  He feels helpless and broken, but who told Jinyoung that he doesn’t want him anymore? He didn't say that last night.

 

“Now what? You can’t handle all these feelings?” Jinyoung taunts, his lips still shaking, his eyes red from crying.

 

“Jinyoung-”

 

“Get out!”

 

“Jinyoung, wait-”

 

“I said get out! Go and leave me!” Then, Jinyoung hears footsteps exiting his room which only made him cry harder. However, it was Yugyeom who left and he also motioned Jaebum to stay, so he did.

 

Jinyoung cries and cries, Jaebum wants to reach out to him, to hug him but he couldn’t. He can't move from his spot and he could barely lift a muscle. Jinyoung is coughing now and he’s starting to have a hard time breathing.

 

He keeps saying Jaebum’s name, again and again. He says it like he wants to say something more, words that he didn’t get to say earlier. However, all that is coming out from his mouth is Jaebum’s name.

 

Jaebum’s certain that Jinyoung is just as broken as him. But right now, Jinyoung looks like the world has finally stopped giving him chances. He never wished to see Jinyoung this way, all too broken and helpless, but couldn’t do anything. He isn’t sure if he’s allowed to touch Jinyoung anymore.

 

Like what he said, he’d always been weak for Jinyoung. Regardless if it’s going to cause him pain or not, if it’s what Jinyoung wants, he’d give in to him. Even though both of them are hurting, if it’s what Jinyoung want, he obeys him.

 

When it became too painful for him to watch, so he stands up and leaves the room quietly.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He should have stayed a little longer, though. Because if he did, he would have heard Jinyoung finally saying what he wanted to say earlier.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Please don’t leave, Jaebum. Don’t leave me again. Please. I’m begging you, please. Don’t leave me again. Not now, not anytime soon, not ever. Please.” Jaebum’s far gone by that time.

 

“Please, I’m begging you, Jaebum. Don’t ever leave me again. Please.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Hello, Mom?” Jaebum tilts his head down to his shoulder so it could hold his phone while he tries to write something on the patient’s records. He glances up briefly at the clock hanging on the wall at the ward. It’s only 10 in the morning but he had already gone around 4 patients.

 

“Yes, Jaebum. How are you?” She asks, her voice starting sound like his grandmother's voice. “I’m fine. A little tired, but I’m fine.” He answers honestly, as he makes his way out of the room at least not before instructing the nurse to give the patient his medicine in ten minutes.

 

“Ahh, that’s nice to know.” Jaebum continues walking until he reaches the hospital garden. “Yeah, why did you call by the way?” The last time he saw his parents was two weeks ago when he spent his birthday with them. It’s making him curious as to why his mother was trying to prolong their conversation.

 

She had been like this before, but she learned to keep their calls short because Jaebum is always busy.

 

“Your aunt and I are thinking of selling Mom's house.” his grandparent’s house, the one in Busan. It had been unoccupied since last year when he went back to Seoul after taking a vacation for a month.

 

“But we realized that we should consult you first, you know... If you want to do the same thing.” It was stupid, really. That vacation was just like what happened to him decades ago. He left Busan because of the same reason, because of the same person.

 

“I’ll think about it, mom.” Jaebum then bids her goodbye, telling her he’s busy and he’d try to give him his answer soon. Suddenly the atmosphere is heavy, just thinking about Busan depresses him. He must admit, though, what happened last years tripled the pain from twenty years ago.

 

He sighs, looking up at the sky. He had picked up that habit recently. He would look up and talk to his grandmother quietly, asking her how it is in heaven, or when he just misses him so much.

 

He stretches a little then heads back to the ward, life has to go on.

  
  


Jackson had been nice to cover for him for a day. After not being able to decide last night if he should sell the house or not, he decided to give it the last visit. He didn’t bring his car this time because he doesn’t plan on staying that long.

 

To be honest with himself, he already knows his decision, he just really wants to visit it for the last time. He just had to even though he’s afraid he’d see Jinyoung. This is the last time, the last string, the last chance. If the universe still refuses to allow them to be together, he’d finally let it go.

  
  


When he arrives, the front porch was surprisingly clean, even the house itself. He makes his way inside and sees everything still in its place. He wonders if Youngjae still visits the house, he forgot to ask the last time his cousin called him.

 

He wanders around the living room, touching the figurines here and there. Picking up the picture frames on the cabinet. Most of them are pictures of him and his grandparents. He is too busy looking at everything he didn’t realize his tears were starting into fall.

 

He wanders into the kitchen, sitting on the counter, his memories of his grandma making breakfast for him suddenly flashed against his eyes. He wipes his tears but it didn’t do any better, he just cried harder.

 

Then, he moves towards his grandparent’s room. It was clean, like any other parts of the house. Her nightgown is still hanging by the window. The picture of their golden wedding anniversary is still on the wall. Well, at least now, his grandma and grandpa are together. All he could hope for is that they’re happy up there.

 

Slowly, he sits on the bed, feeling the material of the blanket against his hands. When his grandfather died, he would sleep beside her, listening to her quiet cries. She was devastated, but she stayed strong, so he, too, did the same.

 

Jaebum breathes in hard as he stands up to leave the room. Then, he climbs the stairs leading to his own bedroom. For a second he hesitated, but after beating himself to it, he opened the door and walked in. He cleaned the room when he left last year, but he made sure that it looked exactly the same.

 

He can’t believe he’s saying a final goodbye to this place. This was just too memorable, too important.

 

Now that he had roamed around the house, he finally realizes that it wasn’t that big. But, it was enough, though, for him and his grandparents. It was painful to look at the place he once considered home is empty, robbed out the life of it.

 

“Grandmama, please guide me with my decision. Tell me what should I do.” He says as when he gets in front of his grandmother’s photo that is hanging by the living room. “And, I missed you so much.”

 

So to say, he reconsiders his decision, he is still conflicted. He turns around, allowing himself to get a final look of the place. Then, he makes his way out, but he didn’t really get to get out because there is someone sitting on the steps on their front porch.

 

That someone noticed it too, so he stood up, holding his staff in front of him. “Who are you!?” He asks, moving the staff from left to right.

 

“What are you doing there? That’s trespassing! You’re-” Jaebum then leaps to hug the person. It’s Jinyoung and he has completely gone blind now. “Jinyoung, it’s me.” Jaebum says when Jinyoung tried to break free from his hug.

 

Once he heard Jaebum’s voice, Jinyoung becomes calm, but it didn’t last long. He starts crying, pulling Jaebum closer to him. “Jaebum? Is this really you?” Jinyoung pulls aways slightly, tracing Jinyoung’s face with his hands.

 

Jaebum nods and then he pulls Jinyoung for a hug again. He rests his forehead against Jinyoung’s, their tears meeting by their cheeks. “Jaebum, I’m so sorry for asking you to leave me.” Jinyoung says, his words tumbling against one another. “Jaebum, I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry.”

 

“Jinyoung, I- I- I love you. I still do.” Jaebum finally says, “and before you say anything else, last year, when I told you that I wanted to close that chapter of our life, I only said it because I wanted a new one with you. I wanted us to start again, not restart, just start again, start moving. I wanted us to pick up where we left and then move forward together.”

 

Jinyoung doesn’t talk this time, he just keeps on listening to Jaebum. “So please, if you still want this, if you still want us, if you are still willing to give me your love, please let me know. Tell me, please.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jinyoung nods, and then he says, “Please, I’m begging you, Jaebum. Let’s start again.” Jaebum, finally, after all these years, will pick up where he left and what’s better, Jinyoung is moving forward with him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was already dark when they arrive at Jinyoung’s house. Yugyeom is already there, base from the lights and the faint sound of the radio. “Jinyoung hyung, where were you earlier? You weren’t-” Yugyeom turns to them then stops when he sees Jaebum holding Jinyoung close to him.

 

“Hi, Yugyeom.” Jaebum greets shyly, Jinyoung beside him is still too jittery. “Hi, Jaebum hyung.” to this, Jinyoung slowly pulls Jaebum towards the kitchen, counting his steps quietly.

 

“Yugyeom, guess who has gotten himself a boyfriend at 40?” Jinyoung smiles brightly, the one he hadn't shown anyone in decades. Jaebum could only watch Jinyoung’s face from the side. Jinyoung really never fails to enthrall him.

 

Yugyeom tears up, because he too, is enthralled by his brother. Finally, he’s smiling again and finally he’s happy again.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Epilogue:

  
  
  
  


“He’s okay, yesterday he was up until one the morning, listening to e-books.” Jaebum says over the line while taking his clothes off. He has just gotten home from an overtime at the hospital. However, tomorrow is his day off and that thought alone makes him happy.

 

“Oh, you will? Okay, I’ll tell him.” Jaebum says again seconds later before saying goodbye and placing the phone on the nightstand.

 

“Hey is that Yugyeom?” Jinyoung asks from the bed. He’s dressed in one of Jaebum’s white coats because earlier he didn’t want the older to leave him so Jaebum thought of ways to appease the younger. Therefore the coat.

 

“Yes, he just wanted to check on you but insisted on not disturbing you. He just said hi and he’d visit over the weekend.” Jinyoung nods, about to continue playing the story in his e-book player. However, Jaebum crawled to his side. Unplugging the earphones off Jinyoung ears.

 

“Hey” Jinyoung protests, but Jaebum was insistent on taking the device from Jinyoung. “Love, shouldn’t you pay attention to me now? You can listen to that story again tomorrow.” Jaebum says, kissing Jinyoung on the cheek. Jinyoung sighs, his hands finding their way to Jaebum’s jaws. “You left me earlier.”

 

Jaebum rolls eyes and starts laughing. He then proceeds on tickling the younger until they’re both breathless. Jinyoung rolls around until he’s lying on Jaebum’s chest, tapping his fingers along with the beat of the older’s heart.

 

“I’m scared, Jaebum.” Jinyoung says, “What if the operation goes wrong or bad?-” Finally, after months of coaxing the younger, Jinyoung agreed on undergoing the operation. However, they are not sure if it would be for both of the eyes.

 

Apparently, his left eye’s deterioration process was faster than his right. So, only his left is blind in the moment. But the right eye isn’t any better, it was always like a really out of focus photo. Everything’s blurry and hazy.

 

“Jinyoung, listen to me.” Jaebum pulls Jinyoung closer as he rests his forehead against the younger’s. “It won’t, Jinyoung, trust me. Whatever happens anyway, I’ll be with you after all.” Jinyoung sighs and then reaches his finger to Jaebum’s face.

 

The pressure of Jinyoung’s fingers is calming Jaebum. “Jinyoung?” Jaebum’s voice was low and it’s just almost above a whisper. “Mmm?” Jinyoung just keeps on tracing Jaebum’s face.

 

“Yugyeom told me that after I left Busan two years ago, you would always go to back my grandparent’s house.” He starts as he cards Jinyoung’s hair. “Why did you do that?”

  
Jiyoung momentarily stops. “I was waiting for you to pick me up.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guys! Happy New year!
> 
> I really tried making this fic angsty but I don't know if succeeded. Hahahaha. So, please don't forget to leave comments! I appreciate the kudos as well, just react. hahahha. I'd love to know your reaction to this one.
> 
> Anyway, let's be friends this year. <3 Let's read and write more fanfics. <3 Let's love GOT7 more this year! <3


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